The First Dare

The first dare was "to resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all". I admit that this task was easier than normal because I only saw James for about four hours yesterday. Still I recognized how easily I blurt out negative statements and tend to deride him in an instant.

When he was on his way home from work, I realized that when I am on the phone with him I tend to set the tone for the entire evening. I caught myself about to nag him about things that he needed to do around the house when he got home. Why do I get him upset at me before he even walks through the door? Instead of giving him "the list", I simply told him I was happy that he was coming home and that was looking forward to seeing him. The first conversation was over.

I was in a rush when he arrived home. I realized that it was Monday; the night of the girl's night out with my church. Fortunately, mostly everything was together for me to go, and James was a champ about the whole situation. I started to ask myself whether he was reading this book too; probably not. I kissed my little boy goodbye, told James a few ideas for their dinner, and rushed out the door. The second conversation was over, and so far no negative remarks were made.

The dinner was great, but after I left I kept stressing myself out over whether I had given my friend enough money to cover my part of the bill. Stress is not a good way to stay in a positive mood. When I got home, I immediately told James why I was so stressed and he figured out that I did give her enough money. I am so happy my husband is better at math than I am!

Josiah was already in bed, so James and I stretched out on the sofa. Here is where the challenges began to come up. First, he started in on one of his habits that I absolutely detest (gross, but not weird). I quickly asked him to stop, and then I realized that I was being negative. I told him quickly and sweetly, "never mind!" He was confused.

Then the television popped up with a reminder about his woodworking show while I was watching the end of Castle. The reminder is a big block message about his program that pops up right in the middle of the screen while I am watching my show, so frustrating! I immediately became angry and was ready to show my disapproval. Why am I so quick to get upset and give him what for? I frowned and growled, then swallowed it. I know that he knew I was upset, but I held back the brunt of the storm. Small triumph, but I need to work on it.

I think that I am figuring out that the little things that he does that annoy me are more about my issues than his. Sure he has bad habits, but so do I. The way I react, the way I handle these things, say little about him, but everything about me. Yesterday was my first dare and my first active pursuit to love my husband according to the dare's instructions. While I had a few minor failures, I can see the overall benefit of actively thinking about how I react. Patience could look really good on me.