Dare Five: Love is not rude

In regards to love, I Corinthians 13:5 says this, "It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."  Yesterday's dare was about treating each other with respect and not being rude.  Specifically, the dare stated, "Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you.  You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior.  This is from their perspective only."  How often do I listen to I Corinthians 13:5 about love being kind and patient, and completely leave out the second verse about love not being rude?

Since James has been constantly at work this week, I decided to give him a call to talk with him and attempt to gracefully turn the conversation towards asking him about three irritating or rude things that I do.  Honestly, I have no idea how I pulled this off without him catching on to exactly what I was doing.  We got on the phone, and I told James about our morning so far.  Then I explain to him that I'm reading this book and it got me thinking about how I act and about rude habits that I may have.  I proceeded to ask him if he could tell me three rude things that I do that make him irritated or uncomfortable.

He acted like this was a hard question, but I am sure he was just scared that answering the question would get him in trouble.  Of course, James has no idea the dare keeps me from fussing at him regarding his answers.  Finally, he tells me that he really doesn't like it when I tease him.  He explained that sometimes it is fun just joking around, but that overall he doesn't appreciate it.  I could have guessed that answer.  I said nothing negative, and I just told him that I knew what he was talking about.

I proceeded to pry another answer out of him because he was getting ready to say he couldn't think of any more.  An idea popped into his head, he doesn't like it when I tickle him unexpectedly when he's looking for something in the refrigerator, bent down to pick something up, or any other situation where his sides are vulnerable.  Again, I just listened, and didn't give any feedback.

After that it took him a few minutes to come up with the last one.  It felt strange nagging him to get him to tell me negative things about myself, extremely counterintuitive.  I should be bugging him about his bad points, right?  Again, this all felt really backwards!  The last one he came up with was about how I fuss at him every time we go shopping.  Oh so true!  I hate going shopping with James.  I still did not give him any feedback, but boy, did I want to let him know why he deserved every fuss!  He had to go, and I simply told him, "Thanks!"  The strange counterintuitive conversation was over, and I had succeeded in the dare.

Let's summarize, I tease too much, I tickle meanly, and I fuss during shopping trips.  I am completely uncharitable about teasing.  This goes back to the spending dare that made me realize I have different rules for James than I made for myself.  I tend to think James shouldn't be rude, but I never think about me not being rude.  Honestly, all the things a guy should never tease a girl about, I have teased James about.  He is completely right, and I am completely wrong.  Then the tickling; I maliciously tickle.  I rarely do it for fun, and I most often to it as revenge or just to be mean.  I am a rude tickler!  At times, I have trumped it up to a weird quirk of mine, but I need to stop giving myself excuses and deal with my issues.  Finally, I do fuss during shopping trips with James.  Let me preface this with explaining how James is a unique shopper.  He takes off for unknown places as soon as we get in the store, brings tons of unwanted items back to the cart, and he makes things take so much longer.  Okay, now back to me.  Though James is an atypical shopper, fussing doesn't change him and fussing is rude.  Instead of fussing, James and I need to talk about my grocery store expectations and explain to him how I feel about his unique shopping style.  When I feel that I have a right to fuss, I fussing even though it is wrong.  I think that I am learning there is no "right to fuss".

What has yesterday's dare taught me?  Rude is rude.  No excuse gets me away from the responsibility to treat my husband with respect.  My husband deserves to be respected when it comes to how I speak about him, he deserves to be respected even when I am being quirky, and he deserves to be respected even when he is being quirky.  The opposite of rude is respect, and to love each other best we both need to be polite to each other and show each other the courtesies that we would show a stranger.  My true challenge is to treat my husband better than I would treat a stranger, to treat my husband like a treasure.