Dare Number Two

Before I share yesterday's attempt at following through with the second Love Dare, I feel the need to answer a question that may be plaguing the minds of any who read this blog. Why do I feel the need to openly discuss my experiences while taking this Love Dare? I have many motivations for completing and sharing this blog.

One of my biggest reasons for putting together a public blog for the Love Dare is accountability. Many people start the dare and few finish it. What could provide more accountability than sharing with the world that I, Brooke Shambley, will complete the Love Dare? In addition, the book has questions at the end of each dare that I knew I would need some encouragement to complete. This blog allows me to answer the questions in a meaningful way and challenge myself to really think about the results of each dare. Maybe I have a couple of reasons which include "look at me!" and "read my thoughts!" but in general my intentions are pure.

Yesterday was an overall success by way of the dare. The second dare issued by the book The Love Dare is "in addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness." While I succeeded in doing one unexpected gesture of kindness, I also figured out that sometimes just doing an act of kindness is not enough.

I knew that James was running out of clean clothes, so I decided to finish up the laundry before he got home. Besides doing the clothes, I also cleaned up the house and started heating up dinner, after which I realized that nothing I had done so far was "unexpected" though all were helpful. This also made me realize that when I don’t do the expected kind things that I am not doing all that I can do to help James out. Not that I am the only one who has to do the laundry or clean, but I can alleviate his load and make life easier on him if I can get this stuff done while he is at work. So while I had a nice clean house, I still had to figure out some unexpected act of kindness to do.

James got home from work and he still had work to do for his job. He finished up making the soup that I had started warming, and we sat down to eat. Normally, I start in on him about how he needs to do his work at work and how he needs to spend time with me, but in honor of the dare, I just left him alone even though inside I still felt upset. This is where it started to get strange. Since I normally just let it all out and I was instead holding it all in, James kept asking me if I was okay or if there was something wrong. I was trying to not be negative so all I could do was tell him that everything was okay, but then his questions were making me more upset. Finally, I told him that I was not happy that he had work to do and I was not happy about the questions, but that I would be fine, really. Here is the lesson of the day; I cannot fake my emotions, but instead I have to be kind while still feeling my emotions. I can be both positive towards James and still be real with him. The love dare will not last if I do it with a fake smile.

The lesson was two-fold because I chose to do something that I hate as my unexpected act of kindness, which did make it unexpected. For some reason, I hate rubbing James feet. Girl's feet are pretty with cute little toes and stylish nail polish, but boy's feet are big and have bigger not so cute toes. As you may be guessing, I decided to rub James's feet. While I got through it without him knowing how much I was dreading it and while he thoroughly enjoyed it, I still think that in the future I should choose acts of kindness that will let me show my love without cringing. Still, he fell asleep happy and I finished watching my episode of Xena after successfully completing dare number two.

My main discovery about love during this dare is that faking love is not enough. I guess it can also called "going through the motions", but the main thing is that a smile must be from the heart or I may as well be scowling. Sincerity and authenticity are musts for love. As I continue the Love Dare, I am going to try to be as real about this as possible. There is no faking love.