Dare Twenty Seven: Love Encourages

It's been a while.  Life has a way of throwing curveballs, and forks and knives, and meteor showers, and honestly anything else it can possibly throw.  Just when I think things are going to calm down and get back to normal, then here comes a refrigerator and maybe a 2" x 4".  If I was smart, I might expect life's surprises and quit stressing out about every new happenstance.  I'll let you know when I make it there.

I'm getting back on board with Dare Twenty Seven, which challenges, "Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home.  Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it.  Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love."

God has a way of getting me messages exactly when I need to hear them.  Sometimes it comes through Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest" and today, it was through The Love Dare.  The message that I heard sounded something like, "Stop being so daggone critical to your husband and give the guy a break!"  Yeah.  That was the message.

One phrase that really stood out to me from the chapter was, "You must choose to live by encouragement rather than by expectations."  I have so many expectations of James.  Depending on the day, I might have expectations that involve him helping me with Josiah, but at times, I practically expect him to hang the moon.  Really?  Why do I put that kind of pressure on him?  Yes, there are things that he should do, but I'm not his referee that comes in and blows the whistle whenever he makes a foul or misses the basket.  I'm his wife.

As his wife, I can encourage him and build him up, but I can't make him do anything.  I can't expect him to be super human, but I can expect him to be human.  On human power we muddle through life, but with God's power we soar.  I don't want to force him to muddle by pushing expectations on him, instead, I want him to soar by expecting God to do great things in his life.

Here's the funny thing.  When I apologized to James for being critical recently, he actually told me he didn't think I was overly critical because he thought he deserved it.  I was shocked!  Granted, I still think I could have been nicer, but maybe I have kept my overall criticism down enough so that when the real problem occurred he could recognize why it happened.  Think of it this way.  If we as wives are always "crying wolf" about issues around the house and in our lives, when a real problem happens how do we express that the problem is out of the ordinary?  We should keep encouragement as the norm, and exhortment (aka a nice version of criticism) as unusual enough to be important.