Have you ever known a spouse that acted like their counterpart was a burden, a hassle, and the person holding them back in life? This is normally accompanied by a list of their faults and an eye roll at their shortcomings. However, the spouse that treats their mate this way is just as much a failure! Marriage is about standing in the gap for your love.
The dare for today is about completing one another. Basically, the chapter expresses that man and wife are to work together and blossom in the areas where the other person doesn't. The husband might be a better cook, but the wife might be better at the laundry. The wife might be better at finances, but the husband might be better at taking care of maintenance issues. Each person has their strengths and weaknesses and works to balance the other one out and work as a team.
I love the verse provided in this chapter of The Love Dare, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, "Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up."
So back to the first example, how many of you know spouses who kick their counterpart when they are down, tear them up in their shortcomings, and rip them apart with words, actions, and gossip? Not only do I know plenty, I have been and sometimes am guilty of this myself! Rather than bludgeoning our spouses to death with our words, actions, and gossip, God has called us to support them in their shortcomings.
While the chapter reminds me of how I am supposed to be a support to James instead of being critical. The chapter actually dares me to "Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you."
Basically, if I were to tear down James to his face or to friends, I'd be tearing myself down. Sometimes we end up treating our spouse as our enemy, we don't want to do anything for them to help them. Think of this though, Romans 12:20 states, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." If we are supposed to take care of our enemy when they have needs, how much more should we be doing for our spouses who are our partners NOT our enemies!
As a team, James and I make decisions. We consult each other about everything. At times, I'll mean to not tell him something, maybe because it's something little that honestly doesn't matter, then I'll end up telling him anyway. We have an open relationship where we depend on each other's opinions and differences to help us to make the right decisions. Sometimes we give advice and the other chooses not to take it. However, the balance still remains. We advise each other but we don't boss each other around. Completing one another isn't about fixing one another, it's about being the couple that God intended for us to be.
We aren't perfect but we make plans to do things right. I decided early on in our marriage that I would never publicly tear him down or humiliate him. I succeed much more often than I fail, because I planned to do it right. He does the same, but he's even nicer. He tends to build me up and say nice things about me in front of other people. We also agreed that any big purchases would be talked about first. Though, we aren't always in agreement over the purchases each other makes. However, what we have done right is putting an importance on dialogue between us and realizing that we affect each others lives. The power of a spouse can be used to bring completion to a marriage or dissention to a marriage, the choice is yours.
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