Dare Eight: His Biggest Fan

The dare that I had for Valentine's Day was about jealousy.  The dare was to "determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy.  To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it.  Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed."  Besides getting a headache from burning the list, this dare went fine.  I do rejoice in James's success.

In fact, the idea of being jealous about his success had not crossed my mind until the dare proposed it.  I could see where I could be sad that I did not get to move to Nashville to follow my career dreams, but I made the choice to marry James and I knew that he was planning to be a career Navy man.  No surprises there.

James is wonderful at his job.  I really respect his success, and I respect how he handles situations in his job.  While I know this does not make this dare seem like a challenge, I do not think every dare will be a challenge.  Hopefully in some ways, I do love my husband well.

Still, I am sure I could think of more ways to be his biggest fan.  Instead of wincing when he begins a new project, I could tell him how much I believe in him.  Instead of cringing when he starts pulling out bowls and pans in the kitchen, I could tell him how much I appreciate that he cooks. 

Think about the fans of rock bands or of some of those teen boy bands, shouldn't I be as big of a fan of my husband as some of these fans are about their stars?  I'm not saying I'm going to be taking my bra off and flinging it at him while he is at work . . . like some of the crazy fans . . . but I need to be excited about having him as a part of my life.  The opposite of jealousy is appreciation, and I need to be appreciating each moment that I get to be a part of James's life.

Dare Four: Being Thoughtful About My Love



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I consider myself to be a relatively thoughtful person, so when I saw that yesterday's dare was about thoughtfulness I was convinced I had it made.  The dare presented in day 4 was to "contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day.  Have no agenda other than asking how he or he is doing and if there is anything you could do for them."  I mean, how hard can the dare be?

First, I called James, and immediately I began talking about the different events of the day.  He was asking about how things were going, and I was letting him know about cute things my little guy had done that day and what I was doing that day.  Whoops!  Half the phone call had already went by and I had not asked him about his day nor had I asked him if I could help him in anyway.  I tried to salvage the mission by asking him how he was doing and about his day.  James does not divulge information about his day without me having to ask more questions, so by the time I got around to pulling out a few details from his day he had to go.  That was not much of a "thoughtful" phone call.  All I thought about was me and my day!

Since this call was in the morning, I figured that I could call again in the afternoon to check in and do more to complete the dare requirements.  I called him back and he was busy.  He called me back and I was busy.  Finally, I got him late in the day and we chatted a bit but I never got to ask him if I could do anything for him.  Sometimes life does not agree with our best laid plans.

What I realized though is how I might think that I am thoughtful, but when I am talking to my husband I think about me.  I think about what I want to tell him and about my day, but I do not often stop to ask about his day and what is going on with his life.  As a woman, mother, and wife I really get caught up into thinking that the child raising, house cleaning, relationships, and Facebook dramas are somehow more important than my husband's life at work.  I am being selfish.  While I may have thoughtful tendencies, I need to be involved in my husband's life even when he is at work.  No, I am not going to be the over-possessive wife that calls to monitor his every move or ask every detail of his day, but when I ask him how his day went I need to mean it.  He does not tell me about his work life not because it is not relevant to him, but because he has come to expect that I do not care.  When I choose to be thoughtful about my love for James, I have to care about him when he is here and him when he is gone from me.

He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend.  Proverbs 22:11