Listening has never been one of my strong points. Maybe it is because I am highly distractible or maybe because I choose not to be interested, but listening does not seem to be second nature for me. When the dare told me to: “choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.” I immediately knew that listening would be a good way to honor James and to show him that he is esteemed by me, especially since I normally take the “I’m too distracted to listen” approach.
Concentration and interest are pivotal for listening. Sometimes when James wants to talk about something (whether the topic is banjos, cooking, or an article he has read), I am normally not interested and not even trying to concentrate. Why should I concentrate when the topic has no importance to me? Yes, I really am that awful. So yesterday, whenever he began to talk with me about a topic, I stopped everything, made eye contact, and feigned an interest. Whoops! Did I write that last part? I guess the truth is I have trained myself so much to show no interest to things James is interested in that I actually had to fake an interest to show him love. While this may seem insincere, the truth is, sometimes we have to force ourselves to do things until we do them naturally.
I may not have an express interest in woodworking a banjo or baking bread, but the more I pay attention to James and his interests, the more my interest will build. Just like someone can tell themselves a lie that they begin to believe, I can tell myself the truth and I will begin to believe it. Right now, I realize that I need to keep telling myself that I am interested in my husband and his interests. Of course, I love James, but I have pushed away a lot of the things that makes James who he is. I have to embrace him and who he is, which includes a world of trumpets, historical landmark visiting, woodworking, cooking and baking, photography, and any new hobby that he takes on. By rejecting his interests, I have been telling him that I do not esteem him enough to be interested in him, in who he is as a person. That has to change.
Through the dare’s challenge to honor James, I have realized that I have to honor him exactly the way that he is. In order to honor him, I have to honor everything that makes him who he is a person. I cannot show distain on his interests, but then tell him that I honor him. I esteem him for the fact that he is the man that I married five years ago. He is a man of many talents. He shows his positive attitude by showing interest in anything and everything around him. I could take a few tips from him. Disinterest is dishonoring, and just as I want to honor James, I need to honor God by showing interest in all that He has created. By honoring James, I also honor my Jesus.
