Dare Four: Being Thoughtful About My Love



Keep On Smiling Photography



I consider myself to be a relatively thoughtful person, so when I saw that yesterday's dare was about thoughtfulness I was convinced I had it made.  The dare presented in day 4 was to "contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day.  Have no agenda other than asking how he or he is doing and if there is anything you could do for them."  I mean, how hard can the dare be?

First, I called James, and immediately I began talking about the different events of the day.  He was asking about how things were going, and I was letting him know about cute things my little guy had done that day and what I was doing that day.  Whoops!  Half the phone call had already went by and I had not asked him about his day nor had I asked him if I could help him in anyway.  I tried to salvage the mission by asking him how he was doing and about his day.  James does not divulge information about his day without me having to ask more questions, so by the time I got around to pulling out a few details from his day he had to go.  That was not much of a "thoughtful" phone call.  All I thought about was me and my day!

Since this call was in the morning, I figured that I could call again in the afternoon to check in and do more to complete the dare requirements.  I called him back and he was busy.  He called me back and I was busy.  Finally, I got him late in the day and we chatted a bit but I never got to ask him if I could do anything for him.  Sometimes life does not agree with our best laid plans.

What I realized though is how I might think that I am thoughtful, but when I am talking to my husband I think about me.  I think about what I want to tell him and about my day, but I do not often stop to ask about his day and what is going on with his life.  As a woman, mother, and wife I really get caught up into thinking that the child raising, house cleaning, relationships, and Facebook dramas are somehow more important than my husband's life at work.  I am being selfish.  While I may have thoughtful tendencies, I need to be involved in my husband's life even when he is at work.  No, I am not going to be the over-possessive wife that calls to monitor his every move or ask every detail of his day, but when I ask him how his day went I need to mean it.  He does not tell me about his work life not because it is not relevant to him, but because he has come to expect that I do not care.  When I choose to be thoughtful about my love for James, I have to care about him when he is here and him when he is gone from me.

He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend.  Proverbs 22:11

Dare to Spend

The dare for yesterday was harder than I expected. The challenge presented was to continue to restrain from “negative comments” and to “buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today"”. While typically buying something for James is not very hard since he has more hobbies than anyone I know, I really wanted to find something that had to do with an active interest.

Ideas rambled around in my head. He loves photography, consumer reports, woodworking, computers, cooking, and even Legos. James even likes kites and origami. Let's just say his tastes are unique and eclectic, but that really makes James the fun guy that he is. However, sometimes having a broad range of choices makes giving thoughtful gifts harder rather than easier. What item would mean something special to him?

Finally, I remembered that he has been considering building us dressers for our room. Right now, James has the dresser that I grew up with since I was a child, I have a girl’s dresser that had been used by a child, and Josiah has the dresser that James had when he was a child. Obviously this dresser project is practical, and desperately needed. The other great thing is James has done nothing but pour over woodworking books looking at various chest of drawer projects. I decided to buy him a book on chests of drawers.

On Amazon, I immediately found the right book, Chests of Drawers: Outstanding Projects from America's Best Craftsmen. The book is published by Taunton Press, and I was almost sure that James has mentioned that publisher before. One click of the button and that book is on its way home, thank goodness for Amazon Prime.

James was at work all day yesterday, so I decided to call him up to let him know of my "thoughtful purchase". When he answered the phone I excitedly proclaimed, "Guess what! I bought you something!" I could tell by the sound of his voice he was surprised. He asked me if I had gotten some deal at a store. He always thinks I have to buy things only on sale (which is generally true . . .). I explained that I knew how much he had been interested in making a dresser, so I bought him a book on Chests of Drawers. Again, he was surprised, and asked me about the book publisher. Icing on the cake! I told him that Taunton published the book, and I could hear the excitement in his voice. Indeed, Taunton was the publisher that he had mentioned. Since he was in a meeting, he had to go, but I was sure that I had brightened his day.

The Love Dare mentions that where we spend our money, we also place our affections. So by investing in my husband, I am stating to him and myself that I care enough to spend money on him. In the past, I often have expected James to spend money on me on Valentine's Day or our anniversary, but I won't get him anything much on those days. I guess in just the same way that I rejoice for him to shower me in gifts, he probably feels appreciated when I spend money on him. Granted, it is not all about money, but when money is so trivial why not spend it on someone special?