Dare Fifteen: Interested?

Listening has never been one of my strong points.  Maybe it is because I am highly distractible or maybe because I choose not to be interested, but listening does not seem to be second nature for me.  When the dare told me to: “choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.  It may be holding the door for her.  It might be putting his clothes away for him.  It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication.  Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.”  I immediately knew that listening would be a good way to honor James and to show him that he is esteemed by me, especially since I normally take the “I’m too distracted to listen” approach.

Concentration and interest are pivotal for listening.  Sometimes when James wants to talk about something (whether the topic is banjos, cooking, or an article he has read), I am normally not interested and not even trying to concentrate.  Why should I concentrate when the topic has no importance to me?  Yes, I really am that awful.  So yesterday, whenever he began to talk with me about a topic, I stopped everything, made eye contact, and feigned an interest.  Whoops!  Did I write that last part?  I guess the truth is I have trained myself so much to show no interest to things James is interested in that I actually had to fake an interest to show him love.  While this may seem insincere, the truth is, sometimes we have to force ourselves to do things until we do them naturally.

I may not have an express interest in woodworking a banjo or baking bread, but the more I pay attention to James and his interests, the more my interest will build.  Just like someone can tell themselves a lie that they begin to believe, I can tell myself the truth and I will begin to believe it.  Right now, I realize that I need to keep telling myself that I am interested in my husband and his interests.  Of course, I love James, but I have pushed away a lot of the things that makes James who he is.  I have to embrace him and who he is, which includes a world of trumpets, historical landmark visiting, woodworking, cooking and baking, photography, and any new hobby that he takes on.  By rejecting his interests, I have been telling him that I do not esteem him enough to be interested in him, in who he is as a person.  That has to change.

Through the dare’s challenge to honor James, I have realized that I have to honor him exactly the way that he is.  In order to honor him, I have to honor everything that makes him who he is a person.  I cannot show distain on his interests, but then tell him that I honor him.  I esteem him for the fact that he is the man that I married five years ago.  He is a man of many talents.  He shows his positive attitude by showing interest in anything and everything around him.  I could take a few tips from him.  Disinterest is dishonoring, and just as I want to honor James, I need to honor God by showing interest in all that He has created.  By honoring James, I also honor my Jesus.

Dare to Spend

The dare for yesterday was harder than I expected. The challenge presented was to continue to restrain from “negative comments” and to “buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today"”. While typically buying something for James is not very hard since he has more hobbies than anyone I know, I really wanted to find something that had to do with an active interest.

Ideas rambled around in my head. He loves photography, consumer reports, woodworking, computers, cooking, and even Legos. James even likes kites and origami. Let's just say his tastes are unique and eclectic, but that really makes James the fun guy that he is. However, sometimes having a broad range of choices makes giving thoughtful gifts harder rather than easier. What item would mean something special to him?

Finally, I remembered that he has been considering building us dressers for our room. Right now, James has the dresser that I grew up with since I was a child, I have a girl’s dresser that had been used by a child, and Josiah has the dresser that James had when he was a child. Obviously this dresser project is practical, and desperately needed. The other great thing is James has done nothing but pour over woodworking books looking at various chest of drawer projects. I decided to buy him a book on chests of drawers.

On Amazon, I immediately found the right book, Chests of Drawers: Outstanding Projects from America's Best Craftsmen. The book is published by Taunton Press, and I was almost sure that James has mentioned that publisher before. One click of the button and that book is on its way home, thank goodness for Amazon Prime.

James was at work all day yesterday, so I decided to call him up to let him know of my "thoughtful purchase". When he answered the phone I excitedly proclaimed, "Guess what! I bought you something!" I could tell by the sound of his voice he was surprised. He asked me if I had gotten some deal at a store. He always thinks I have to buy things only on sale (which is generally true . . .). I explained that I knew how much he had been interested in making a dresser, so I bought him a book on Chests of Drawers. Again, he was surprised, and asked me about the book publisher. Icing on the cake! I told him that Taunton published the book, and I could hear the excitement in his voice. Indeed, Taunton was the publisher that he had mentioned. Since he was in a meeting, he had to go, but I was sure that I had brightened his day.

The Love Dare mentions that where we spend our money, we also place our affections. So by investing in my husband, I am stating to him and myself that I care enough to spend money on him. In the past, I often have expected James to spend money on me on Valentine's Day or our anniversary, but I won't get him anything much on those days. I guess in just the same way that I rejoice for him to shower me in gifts, he probably feels appreciated when I spend money on him. Granted, it is not all about money, but when money is so trivial why not spend it on someone special?