Dare Forty: Drum Roll Please!

After intending to finish The Love Dare in the forty days around Valentine's Day . . . I have finished The Love Dare on the 29th of November!  I don't really see the time expanse as a failure, because failing would have entailed rejecting the advice of the book and completely turning away from its list of dares.  I didn't turn away . . . I just got a bit busy.  Perhaps I will think of it as a delayed success.

I have listed on this blog forty dares and forty thoughts that accompanied those forty dares.  I have forty days that I spent specifically considering my marriage and my husband above many other things in life.  I got to have fun, such as on Valentine's Day, and I got to be a little creative, such as in the blog I Cherish You, and overall, I really think it was a great experience.

What's really great about ending the Dare on this day is that I just found out James started the dare two days ago!  Almost a year later, he's doing The Love Dare on his own.  I couldn't make him and I couldn't nag him into doing it.  Sure, I really wanted him to do it with me, but he would have done it begrudgingly before.  Being on the receiving end of The Love Dare, I'm in heaven.  Though it's tempting to make it hard on him, refer to the first dare.  I guess I'll behave myself!

Words of the final dare, "write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home.  Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present.  Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God's eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate."

The chapter expressed how the wedding vows are the words of a covenant.  My husband and I are not in a contract that might bind with pen and paper even if the legal system might think so.  James and I are in a covenant that is upheld through God's power, not our own.  If we think we are the best couple ever and we'll never mess up, then we will mess up.  If we are anything better than ordinary then it is through God's power alone.

I appreciate any of you who have visited my blog and supported me on this endeavour.  I'm sure you thought I'd never finish!  I did!  I'm thinking about starting on another book to support our marriage, like Love & Respect or Power of a Praying Wife.  Keep checking back . . . maybe I'll blog about that too!

Dare Thirty Nine: Love Never Loses

The Thirty Ninth dare states, "Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitemnt and resolve to your spouse.  Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what.  Leave it in a place that your mate will find it."

Here's what I wrote:

About the Chapter . . .
Let me rephrase, true love never loses. God is love, God is the Word of God, so a marriage built on the Word of God is unshaken. We've all heard "Love never fails," but what does it really mean? What does it mean to fail? I'm looking it up, hold on . . .

To fail is:	Instead love is:
To lose strength: weaken	To gain strength: reinforce
To fade or die away	To grow and flourish
To stop functioning normally	To get better, gain familiarity
To fall short	To make it together, succeed
To be or become absent or inadequate	To be always present or sufficient
To be unsuccessful	To be successful in the relationship
To become insolvent	To be prosperous in marriage
To disappoint the expectations or trust of	To exceed the expectations or trust of
To miss performing an expected service or function for	To triumph in performing an expected service or function for
To be deficient in	To be abundant in
To leave undone: neglect	To leave nothing undone: attend and care for

Love never failing means loving them in spite of it all, no matter what.

Dare Thirty Eight: The Cinderella Concept

Picture from my Cinderella DVD

This dare is so challenging.  I realize how truly selfish I am as I think about today’s dare.  The dare is for me to “Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable.  Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.”  But why am I supposed to be making his dreams come true?

I want to be Cinderella.  I want my handsome prince to make my dreams come true.  I want him to have his white horse (or maybe a white limo), a grandiose castle, and I want everything to be planned and go as planned.  I want him to make my dreams come true, all of them.  It gets worse.  In my selfish Cinderella mindset, I do not want to worry about taking care of the prince!  I want him to rub his own feet, fold his own socks, and pick up his plate after dinner.  As for his dreams, I should be his dream, right?

I say this and you may laugh, but don’t many of us truly buy into this Cinderella Concept?  In our minds, we as women are to be his princess, his prize, his dream.  His dreams, those that are not fulfilled by our very presence, are his problem.  Okay, so it doesn’t always go this far, but you get my point.  Sometimes I get into the mindset that James needs to take care of me and make my dreams come true, but I leave his dreams out on the front porch getting cold (or in Mississippi getting ridiculously hot . . .).

Granted my husband’s short term dreams change with the tide, but I need to pay attention to his dreams.  If he currently wants to better himself or the house in some way, I have to not only buy into that, but align myself to making it happen in any way I can.  If he sets a goal for himself, I have to show my love for him by supporting him enough to do all I can to help him accomplish that goal.  His dreams need to be my dreams.  He’s not a prince and I’m not a princess.  We have to look to each other to bring our dreams into reality.  He can’t call a castle servant to serve me dinner on command, and I can’t wave a magic wand and have the entire house clean in minutes.  We each have to work out of love to bring about each others needs, wants, and dreams.

His dreams are my concern.  I am not Cinderella nor am I a fairy tale princess.  Life does not live happily ever after without applying some elbow grease.  My husband dreams of a wife that considers his wants as much as my own wants.  My husband dreams of having my respect him as much as I respect myself.  Sometimes if I don’t feel loved, I don’t respect.  However, love loves regardless of how I feel at the moment.  I cannot just love him when I feel up to it.  His dreams are my concern.

Lately, I’ve been little Miss Cinderella.  I have completely dismissed so many things that James has been asking me about.  Stupid things really.  Things that I could have stepped up to easily, if I had not had such a diva mindset.  God set us on this earth to serve others, not ourselves.  I must to set aside the Cinderella Concept and start making my husband’s dreams come true. 

Dare Thirty Seven: Humble Me

I have heard it said many times that “prayer is powerful.”  Let me clarify, “A prayer to the God of creation is powerful.” If we truly believed that, then why is it often a last resort?

Today’s dare:  "Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together.  Talk about the best time to do this, whether it's in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime.  Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord.  Don't forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing.  Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself."

Prayer is humbling.  During prayer I have to let my guards down, to allow God to surround me, and I must recognize my need for God.  The dare asks me to start praying regularly with James.  Praying together seems to be significant to God because in Matthew 18:18-19 Jesus says, “I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.”  I must get to agreeing with my husband in prayer about our marriage, our life, and our ministry.

God says knock and the door will be opened, seek and you will find, ask and it will be given to you.  In our marriage, I rarely knock, I rarely seek, and I rarely ask.  If I want doors to be busted open within our marriage, I have to get to knocking!  If I want to find the depths of love that God has for us in our marriage, I need to start seeking God in this area.  If I want to be given blessings in our marriage, I need to start asking.  We need to start knocking, seeking, and asking so we can begin to have doors open, find that which was lost, and be given God’s blessings.

God decides to use us for his glory, humans being the agents of his hand.  What a glorious responsibility!  Prayer is one of the ways that God uses us to change our world.  Prayer changes lives!  I want God to change my life; even more, I want Him to transform my life and marriage daily.  Romans 12:2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds; I believe that that applies to my marriage too!  God can transform my marriage into a new creation.  I think we so often get caught up in thinking of marriage as a human institution that we forget that God has a divine plan for marriage.  A transformed marriage consists of two transformed individuals who seek God’s will for their life and marriage.  The marriage becomes a vessel for God to use to bless others and to change lives.  Marriage is beautiful if we dedicate it to God in prayer.

My Favorite Verses on Prayer:

2 Chronicles 7:14, (NIV1984)

“if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Luke 11:9-10, (NIV1984)

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Psalm 141:2, (NIV1984)

“May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.”

James 5:15-16, (NIV1984)

“And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”

Revelation 5:8, (NIV1984)

“And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints.”