Dare 2: Patience and Kindness

Dare 2: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness

I attempted Dare 2 on November 26th and was successful.  Before I had even read the book, I had already done many kind things for my husband that day.  We both speak the love language of Service, so we really do this one well.

However, I really need to make sure that he knows that I'm doing something not just to get it done or because it needs to get done, but because I am doing it purposely for him.  I think it's easy to believe after almost 9 years that we "just know" when something nice has been done for us.  Not so.  That was one of the worst things about year 7 for us.  We both assumed that we had already told each other things.

No matter how long you are married you will not be able to read each other's minds.  It's just not going to happen.

You have to tell him that you love him.

You have to massage his neck and tell him that you love him more.

You have to fix his favorite meal and tell him that you love him.

You have to tell him what an amazing dad he is and tell him that you love him for it.

You have to spend the afternoon with him even though you have other things to do . . . and tell him that you love him.

You have to find just the right gift and surprise him with it while telling him that you love him.

Love him in all five ways to love and never forget to tell him the words, "I love you."

Encouraging verses to achieve this goal . . .

Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Proverbs 11:17
A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself.

Proverbs 31:26
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Peter 3:9
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

Further Resources

5 Love Language Website - http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
5 Love Language Test - http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts - http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Languages-Secret-Lasts/dp/0802473156
The 5 Love Languages Men's Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts - http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Languages-Mens-Edition/dp/0802473164/

Dare 1: Patience and a Tamed Tongue

Dare 1 - to resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all

I started this dare on November 25th and I still haven't been able to really it get down.  I have been saying LESS negative things to my husband, but I still haven't nailed saying NOTHING negative to him.  Habits are hard to break.

Rather than practicing patience with my husband and my son, I've been in the habit of letting them have it when I see a negative problem, trait, or when they do something negative that affects me.  I really don't know why I have begun to think that they deserve my wrath.  They don't.

If I can have undeserved grace from God, then they should receive undeserved grace from me.  I MUST practice patience.

Encouraging verses to achieve this goal . . .

Galatians 6:9
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

James 1:19
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

Ephesians 4:1-3
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Proverbs 21:23
Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Repeating the Dare

It has been over three years since I read the Love Dare and Dared 2 Love.  I really enjoyed going through the book in 2011 and it strengthened my marriage.  At the end of the dare, I had my Dare 2 Love blog printed in a book for my husband as a special memory.

Since it's been three years since I read The Love Dare, I've changed a lot.  I'm in a new location, I have new interests, I have new distractions, and sometimes I need that reminder to love my spouse.

Thus I begin again . . .

Dare Forty: Drum Roll Please!

After intending to finish The Love Dare in the forty days around Valentine's Day . . . I have finished The Love Dare on the 29th of November!  I don't really see the time expanse as a failure, because failing would have entailed rejecting the advice of the book and completely turning away from its list of dares.  I didn't turn away . . . I just got a bit busy.  Perhaps I will think of it as a delayed success.

I have listed on this blog forty dares and forty thoughts that accompanied those forty dares.  I have forty days that I spent specifically considering my marriage and my husband above many other things in life.  I got to have fun, such as on Valentine's Day, and I got to be a little creative, such as in the blog I Cherish You, and overall, I really think it was a great experience.

What's really great about ending the Dare on this day is that I just found out James started the dare two days ago!  Almost a year later, he's doing The Love Dare on his own.  I couldn't make him and I couldn't nag him into doing it.  Sure, I really wanted him to do it with me, but he would have done it begrudgingly before.  Being on the receiving end of The Love Dare, I'm in heaven.  Though it's tempting to make it hard on him, refer to the first dare.  I guess I'll behave myself!

Words of the final dare, "write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home.  Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present.  Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God's eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate."

The chapter expressed how the wedding vows are the words of a covenant.  My husband and I are not in a contract that might bind with pen and paper even if the legal system might think so.  James and I are in a covenant that is upheld through God's power, not our own.  If we think we are the best couple ever and we'll never mess up, then we will mess up.  If we are anything better than ordinary then it is through God's power alone.

I appreciate any of you who have visited my blog and supported me on this endeavour.  I'm sure you thought I'd never finish!  I did!  I'm thinking about starting on another book to support our marriage, like Love & Respect or Power of a Praying Wife.  Keep checking back . . . maybe I'll blog about that too!